the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
