I think I just saw someone hide a body.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
