Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Four minutes until I can fart!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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