No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
