I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
