don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
