Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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