$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
