It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
