mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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