I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
