What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
