Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
