i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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