The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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