life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
