i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
there is glitter all over my balls
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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