listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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