She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
