Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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