His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
