This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
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