u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
