the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
