we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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