Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
