My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
