So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
