You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even know how to be here
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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