I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
