We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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