Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
