Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
