Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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