Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
