awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
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You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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