What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
