even my farts smell like vagina
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
