I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
