i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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