On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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