she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
