White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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