3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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