drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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