my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
