Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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