redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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