it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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