I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
