You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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