you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have feelings that need drinking.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.