In the future we'll all be gay
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires