I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.