i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?