omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?