Barsexuality is the new black.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
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is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.