Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.