He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
