the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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