youre lurking in front of me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You are a genius and a whore.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
