it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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