i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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