So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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