thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
