he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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