dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He passed out mid-signature
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Vodka?
Forever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
