i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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