I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
