Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
