I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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