He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
