I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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