you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
