That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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