Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
