She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
