it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Semen is not good for contacts.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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