Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
All I want is dick and wine.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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