That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
